I watch Star Trek and create.

I write, design images, market and promote online, organize and oversee events, and offer business consulting and administrative services.

My existence in one handy timeline.

The Big Bang

Nothing turns itself inside out and becomes Everything. 13.8 billion years later Cincinnati, Ohio becomes an incorporated city in the newly formed country of the United States.

The Great Spin

The infant universe sets itself to motion, spinning like a top of infinite complexity. Stars burst, planets form, life evolves, dies, and evolves again. At some point, I am born.

The Big Freeze

10 to the 14th power (100 trillion) years later, the universe stops spinning. I have been dead a very long time. Everything reverts to Nothing. It was all a big waste of time.

Let's face it. No one cares.
It's all about how I get that bread.

Professional Skills

I write according to the buyer's need. I have produced sales and customer service scripts, sales letters and newsletters, press releases, blog postings and web articles. I have provided ghost-writing services, essays, and editorials. I have written business plans, grant applications, and employment manuals. I enjoy producing case studies, SWOT analysis, buyer and market profiles. I can spend hours researching and writing. I have flexibility in voice, tone, and style.

I help people get organized to promote their ideas online. I launch and maintaining cloud accounts, produce and manage web content, and create slideshow and web presentations. I engage in off-page optimization such as blog commenting, forum participation, and review responses. I create graphic designs, advertisements, social media graphics, memes, and and video clips. I manage social media profiles and develop posting schedules. I create informational websites like this one!

I have a wide range of administrative skills. I have experience appointment scheduling, making phone calls, monitoring voice mail, sending gift, reward, holiday, and birthday cards to customers and otherwise engendering customer loyalty. I'm comfortable with email and calendar management, travel arrangements, background check and referral follow ups. I am software adept. There is no system with a GUI that I can't learn to operate. I set up project management systems, tasks list, and facilitate communication in groups. I have experience in event planning and event supervision including conventions and weddings with up to 1,000 guests.

There is more to life than money.
There is also this catfish.

God is a Dead Catfish

All night I wondered about the dead catfish. Where did it come from? Who caught it? And why did they nail it to a road sign? Would it be there the next day? How long would it take it to decompose and slip to the ground? 

Driving home, I saw a very large catfish nailed to a road sign. I stopped the car. I reverse it. I parked. I gave the Catfish a curtsy and the courtesy of my confessions. After ten days of putrefying it fell to the earth. Five new little fish took its place. Each sign on my road had a dead fish nailed to it. The road stunk like dead fish all summer as new fish replaced old ones every couple weeks. For 20 seconds each day as I drove by, the entire decaying universe stopped and allowed me to examine it under a microscope. 

It was beautiful.

Find your moment. Even if it is with a dead fist.

There is Serenity in Chaos.

Seek ye the eye of the hurricane.

Relax. It's like this sometimes...

If this is your first experience with what we generously call 'Humanity' then I apologize for the confusion. I know how absurd it all must look.

Don't panic.
What you are seeing around you is normal - for us.

We are a colony of interdependent organisms made of meat and gas, encased in monkey-shaped, leather bags with only flapping, meaty mouth-bits and hands for communication. Confused and terrified, we hurtle through the vast vacuum of space at speeds we can barely comprehend, clinging to a tiny rock filled with molten lava which each of us thinks we own. Absurdity is the very building blocks of our physical existence.

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